this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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