If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
