Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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