I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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