I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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