have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
