I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
