Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Dicks are not precious.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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