Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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