Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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