how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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