Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
