i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Who died my cat blue again?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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