So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
