NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
