you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
