so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Panties = found
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