Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
