it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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