I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
