Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
