I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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