U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
