just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
