no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
