But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize