remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Randomize
