Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
