I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Randomize
