why didn't you poke me back
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
