We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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