Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
