I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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