we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
