Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
