Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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