Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
