I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
so that wasnt chicken after all
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
