I'm sorry my penis didn't work
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
