i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize