HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
we made out on top of his cat.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
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