You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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