i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
