Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize