My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
