So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
