wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Vodka?
Forever.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
