I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
