First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
