i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
