watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
