He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
