How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
