I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
