You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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