Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
