i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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