So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
