week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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