I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize