please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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