This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
