weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
