just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Randomize
