theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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